I'm So Sick
by beaniehigurashi
Summary: At a meeting, America accidentally finds out one of England's hidden secrets, and will try to do whatever he can to help him, even if it means facing England's dark depression. Bulimic!England. Warnings: Bulimia, OOCness, some language. Rating may change. Slight UsUk.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I hope anyone who bothers to read this will enjoy.

XxXxX

The World Meetings were always the same. Someone would begin a speech that would lead to disagreements, and then tons of arguments would break out among the nations. Afterwards, there'd be someone, usually Ludwig, who'd break up all the fights by yelling very loudly. The World Meeting today was lasting longer than it should, though. They had been there since afternoon, and it was almost around dinner time now. They soon decided to just have dinner during the meeting. So some of the nations whipped up some food for everyone, and then they all continued the meeting as they ate.

America is sitting next to England, who, as he notices, isn't eating, but instead just staring at his food as if it were an alien.

"Yo, dude, how come you aren't eating? This stuff tastes great!" He stuffs some more of Italy's pasta into his mouth, smiling happily.

England rolls his eyes. "I'm just not hungry. Got a problem with that, you git?" America didn't answer. He just kept eating his food.

England looks back at the food in front of him. It did look tempting.

_I guess a few bites won't hurt..._

He starts eating. The food tastes delicious, yet... it wasn't making him feel good. He guesses that's to be expected since he hasn't eaten for a while. After a couple more bites, he finds himself unable to eat anymore. In fact, he feels sick now.

_I need to get rid of this feeling..._

He abruptly stands up from the table and leaves the room. No one bothered asking him where he's going. They were too busy eating, discussing problems, or arguing with other nations.

America soon finishes his plate of food. That's when he notices that England is missing.

_I wonder if he had to go to the bathroom..._

Suddenly, a bad feeling settles itself inside of him. He doesn't know where it came from, though. He was feeling happy just a few seconds ago, so he's very confused as to why he feels like this all of a sudden.

_Maybe I should get some fresh air._

He leaves the table and heads out of the room. He begins walking down the long hallways, taking in deep breaths of air, trying to get rid of this bad feeling he has. It doesn't work. It just gets worse as he walks around. He soon finds himself outside the bathroom. He wasn't even thinking about going there, but he somehow found the place.

I might as well go in...

As he opens the door, that sinking feeling immediately gets worse. He hears a weird sound coming from one of the stalls. He doesn't know what it is at first, but then he realizes that it's the sound of someone throwing up.

Without thinking, he throws the stall door open. His eyes widen at the sight in front of him.

England was on his knees, hunched over the toilet, throwing up. He also had two fingers down his throat.

W-What the hell...?!

At the sound of the door opening, England turns his head around to see what was going on. He looks visible shocked when he notices that America's standing in the doorway of the stall he's in, but he immediately changes his expression to that of annoyance.

"What's with that face?" he snaps.

At first, America couldn't speak. He was too dumbfounded. After a few moments, he finds the strength to speak again.

"I-I... Y-You... England... were you...?" Even so, he was still too much in shock to speak correctly. He suddenly found it hard to breathe.

"Yeah, I was throwing up. But only because my stomach wouldn't digest the food."

Liar. He's obviously lying. America knew that England was purposely throwing up, not because the food wasn't right. He saw how England had his fingers down his throat. He saw everything.

England got up and passed him.

"Now if you'll excuse me..." Just as he walked by the American, his wrist was suddenly grabbed. He was yanked backwards and then pushed against a nearby wall. He was pinned against the wall by his wrists on each side of his head, keeping him from escaping if he even tried to.

He glares at the American. "What the bloody hell are you doing?!"

America's grip on his wrists tightened a little as he glares back at the Brit. He was angry that England had lied straight to his face like that. But most of all, he was worried. He didn't know why England was doing this. He didn't know how long England had been doing this. He didn't know anything about this until now. He was scared for the nation. He doesn't know too much about this kind of stuff, but he does know it's unhealthy. He knows that something bad could happen if England keeps doing this, despite being a nation.

"England... Don't you even try to lie to me... I... I saw what you were doing..." America's thankful that his voice is back.

England's glare falters a little and he looks away. He didn't want to look America in the eye. He didn't want to see the emotions that are plaguing the American, whether it was sadness, anger, or pity.

"England... how long have you been doing this?"

England squeezes his eyes shut. No. He doesn't want to tell America that. He doesn't want the American to know anything about this.

"England..." America says in a sharper tone. "How... long...?"

England knows there's no way out of this now. America knows now. There's no point in hiding anymore.

He opens his eyes and takes a deep breath. Still avoiding eye contact with America, he mutters, "Almost a month..."

His wrists are freed and suddenly there's a banging noise. He looks over at America and sees that he had punched the wall.

"America..."

There are tears rushing down the American's face. America tries to hide them by covering his face, but it doesn't work.

"Dammit... Dammit, why?! I... I can't believe this... I-I should've noticed something was wrong. I'm the hero, right?! I-I'm so sorry, England... I'm sorry..."

England can feel his own tears running down his face. He walks over to where America now is and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"D-Don't worry about it. It's fine, so—"

The front of his shirt is grabbed and he's pulled closer to the American, their faces almost meeting.

"How... on earth... is this fine? How?! Just... how... I mean, this... this is not good at all." It's hard for America to control his anger. He isn't mad at England, though. He was mad at himself. He cares so much for the Brit, so he finds it so stupid of him to not have known that something was up, that there was something wrong with England. He feels like a dumbass. He feels as though he has failed England once again. He's tried so hard to make everything up to England by being around him a lot and talking with him at the meetings, trying to get on his good side, yet even so, he wasn't able to notice something like this.

"America..." England uses his thumb to wipe away some of America's tears. "Please don't cry... I truly am fine..." He wasn't. He knew he was lying. But he couldn't help but do so. He didn't want to lie, though, especially not to America. He just doesn't want to worry anyone. He doesn't want to see America crying.

"Like hell you are! Tell me... why... why are you doing this?"

The Brit looks at him, suddenly in shock. Why was he doing this? His eyes lower to the ground. How was he supposed to explain all of this? He was tired of how everyone was always looking down on him, insulting him and his cooking, making it seem as though he's nothing but a weakling now. He just thought that if everyone thought he was weak, he'd prove to himself that he was different, that he was still strong... by not eating. By not needing something that most people need in order to survive. Now that he thought about it, it really was pathetic of him. All it did is make him seem even weaker.

"America... I... I can't tell you..." No. He won't tell America. He doesn't want America's or anyone else's pity. All that'd do is make him feel even worse about himself.

"But England—"

"Shut up. Just... shut up... please..." He removes his hands from the American's grip and lightly pushes America away from him, so that he could get to the door.

Before America even had time to react, England had left the bathroom, leaving America all by himself. Once England had gone, America couldn't stop himself from tearing up. He felt so useless at the moment. He truly did care for the Brit. He really wants to figure out why England was doing this to himself in the first place, so he could find a way to help him. But... it seems as though England doesn't even want any help...

When America gets back to the meeting room, he notices that England isn't there.

_Where could he be?_

America sits down at his spot and, to try to keep his mind off of things for a bit, engages a conversation with France and Canada. Soon, everyone was done eating, and it was time to get back to business. Ludwig went up to the stand and was about to start the meeting back up when he saw that England was nowhere to be found in the room.

"Does anyone know where England is?" he asks in a gruff voice, annoyed that England had disappeared during the meeting break.

America instantly goes stiff. England hadn't returned? The American became very worried. He didn't know if he should tell anyone what he had seen in the bathroom. It's obvious England never wanted anyone to find out about it in the first place.

"I-I'll go look for him..." America says. "You guys just go ahead and continue on with the meeting."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I was totally not expecting this story to become as known as it is. I'd just like to thank anyone and everyone who decided to read this :)

Sorry for my failure of typing a French accent, btw

XxXxX

America hurries out of the room so no one would have a chance to object. He races down the hallways, shouting England's name, hoping the Brit is still around. He'd do whatever it takes to find England and make sure he's safe. After searching almost the entire building without any progress, he decides to check around town. He thinks England must've just left the building and start walking around somewhere.

_But where...?_

England could be anywhere by now, since it has been a while since he left. He could have hidden somewhere, or even left to go back to his home country. Shit, this was not good. Not good at all. For all America knew, he could puking out food again at this very moment.

America became frantic. He couldn't find England on his own here. He needed help from people. He'll need a few of the other nations to help him.

_Maybe Canadia... No, _Canada_ could help me!_

He sighs and heads back inside the building to the room they had all been in. When he opens the doors, all eyes land on him, some filled with worry and others with boredom.

"Did you find England?" Germany asks from his spot at the podium.

"England's... missing..." America says slowly. A couple of the nations gasp a little.

"Angleterre's missing~?" France asks, genuinely worried.

America was conflicted as to whether he should mention the past events that led to England disappearing. Then again, it's not like saying all of that will help them on their hunt to find him. It will just cause a mess later. A mess that only he, the hero, should handle. So all America does is tell them how he searched everywhere and couldn't find England. There's truly no need to worry them about England's personal problems.

America's still trying to figure out why England would even be doing this in the first place. There's no reason for him to do so… right? He's always talking about how strong he was back then. He never shows any signs of weakness, unless certain things, such as that one day, are mentioned. There couldn't be a logical reason for him to stoop down to this.

A couple months ago, at a G8 meeting, England didn't seem to have any trouble eating those scones of his, but now it seems as though he can't even hold a few bites inside of himself. Maybe something happened between then and when he started, which, as he had stated, was about a month ago.

But what could it have been?

"We can search for 'im after ze meeting is over if you'd like, Amerique," France inquires.

"Well, I don't want to trouble all of you guys, so maybe only a couple of you can help," America replies.

The hard part was deciding to have help. Canada could, he knows that. France… Well, he and England _have _known each other for a long time, so it'd make sense if France was there to help. Japan could also be a good addition…

America sits down for the rest of the meeting. Although, it was obvious to other nations that he wasn't paying attention at all. They all thought it was only because England was missing, when it was really something deeper than that.

America knows about anorexia and bulimia. He's read stories on it before, and how people do it to keep themselves from getting fat. Although, instead of resorting to doing that, he exercises a lot, since he knows that he eats more than he should. He's pretty sure England isn't throwing up to keep himself skinny, since he has always been naturally thin and petite. That's the reason why America's worried about England. If it's not because he's trying to lose weight, then there's something else going on…

Once the meeting was over, America asks France, Canada, and Japan if they'd help him search around for signs of England. Much to his delight, they all agree. The other nations said that if they see him around while going back to their hotels, they'd call him, which America was thankful for. Everyone, besides the America and the other three, leaves the meeting room, saying their goodbyes and wishing America luck.

_I'm sure England would be happy to see how much these guys _do _care about him… including me…_

Once everyone except for the four of them had gone, Canada turns to America with a questioning look.

"How come you're so worried about England all of a sudden? I mean, it's possible he wasn't feeling well, and decided to go home, you know."

Francis shook his head at Canada. "I don't think so, Canada. England would've told someone. Amerique… is 'ere something you're not telling us?"

America sighs. He should've known they would've suspected something.

"America-san…?" Japan asks, worried.

America sits down in one of the meeting chairs, and he tells them. He tells them everything he had seen. Everything that had happened. He didn't realize he had started tearing up while telling them until Japan handed him a tissue to wipe away the tears that were rolling down his face. When he was done, he saw horror etched across all of their faces, except for Japan's, who always kept a calm look. Although, inside, he was just as horrified as the others.

"That's terrible! Why would Angleterre do such a thing?"

America sighs again, shaking his head. "I have no idea. I've been trying to figure that out this entire time…"

Japan puts his hand on America's shoulder. "Don't worry, America-san. We'll find him soon."

America nods. He really hopes Japan was right. He didn't know how much longer he could take this. The thought of England out there by himself, doing who knows what, scared America. What if he was throwing up right now?

No. He couldn't let these thoughts get inside his head. He needed to focus on the task at hand: find England. He'll worry about what to do with the Brit once they find him. For now, they'll just have to go out and see if they can locate England first.

_I _will _find you, England…_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Again, thank you, anyone and everyone! :)

XxXxX

America and the others split up, all going in different directions. Thankfully, no flights had been available at the time that England had left, so he's definitely still somewhere around. The problem is that the city isn't very small, which will make it harder for them. If they ever need to, they'll be sure to contact other nations for help, since it seems like it'll be hard for only a few people to do.

America searched all the places in his area that he thought England would be: a book store, a coffee shop (since they also sell tea), and even a small bar. Unfortunately, England wasn't at any of those places.

As time went on, his patience was thinning. He hasn't heard from any of the others, so obviously they haven't found England, either. That made America even more anxious.

_England... where _are_ you?_

XxXxX

England has his head hanging low as he walks around the several of the alleyways that's in the city, tears streaking his face. For once, he didn't care about being in a very dirty place. He didn't care about anything right now, actually. America... the last person he would've wanted to find out about his secret... had caught him. Had cornered him. America probably thought he was even weaker now. Yes, he knows that America always thought of him as weak. He had proved it with his words during the war.

This was not good at all. Being the obnoxious guy he is, he probably told everyone about what he discovered.

England knew he should've told America to say nothing before he had run off like he did. But he had been so scared. He knew that if he had been held there any longer, he would've confessed everything about why he was doing all of that in the first place. He didn't Wang America to know anything about him trying to make himself stronger. America would probably just call him stupid. Or worse, laugh at him. Laugh at him for thinking he could actually beck strong again. That would be terrible. That would hurt England's pride even more.

It's raining now. It always seems to be raining on England's worst days. Yet, even do, England loves the rain. He loves the calming sensation it usually brings. Although, today, it just makes him feel even worse than he already did.

A flash of blue finds its way into England's vision. A very... familiar blue.

_Is that... France? What the bloody hell is that frog doing out here?_

It looks as though he was calling for someone. Although, England can't tell what he's saying, since the rain is drowning out all of the other sounds in the world.

England moves a little closer to where France is, making sure he's still hidden out of France's view. He hides behind a giant trash bin that's against the wall of the alleyway he's in. He can now hear France a little better, but the rain is still too loud for it to be clear.

"—leterre!"

He moves just a little closer and tries to concentrate on France's voice instead of the rain.

"Angleterre!"

No way. The frog was looking for him. There's no doubt about it that America told the others. That traitor. Even though England never directly said it, he should've known better than to tell the others. Then again, England had predicted that would happen. But he still had his hopes that America would've been smart in this situation...

England quickly stands up.

_I have to get out of here!_

He's about to run away when a sudden wave of dizziness overtakes him, his vision becoming blocked by darkness. He loses his footing and ends up crashing down onto the ground into a puddle of water.

"Angleterre...?!"

_D-Dammit..._

Those were the last thoughts he had before he fell unconscious.

XxXxX

The first thing England saw when he woke up was the color white. White... He always thought of that color as the representation of purity. Innocence. Something he knows he has lost. Or, perhaps, he never had it in the first place. Maybe he was born without it, forced to live within a world where nobody cared about or everyone just left him. Where no one wanted to be with him. Just forced to be alone in the darkness. Of course, he had his magical friends, but he, with the exceptions of Norway and Romania, was the only one who can see them.

But even though he's not pure, he's not dark either. He may complain a lot to others, but he's not always annoyed or angry. He doesn't hate everything. But even so, to others, he's not a very likable person. That's why he doesn't really have any real friends. That's why... no one likes to be around him... That's why he's always alone...

Tears spring from his eyes and roll down his face. Why? Why does he have to be such an outsider to the others? Why can't he be happy? America... He's always happy. Italy is, too. Same with France, Spain, and Prussia. Even Germany can be happy! So why can't he be happy with his life, too?

_Life truly is cruel..._

"England... a-are you... crying?" a voice nearby asks. That voice sounds familiar. That annoying, obnoxious voice. Rage overtakes England's body.

It's the voice of that bloody git! That damn traitor!

He suddenly sits up and moves to get out of wherever he is. That's when he notices that there's IVs in his arm. He looks around, his anger subsiding.

This whole room... was white. All of it was white.

White.

Purity.

Innocence.

He immediately feels mad again. Why is he surrounded by something he can never be? Are these people trying to make him feel bad about himself?

"England, what're you-?"

"Shut the fuck up," England cuts in with a menacing tone, causing America to instantly stop talking.

There are others in the room. England didn't see that before, but now he does. France is one of them. Then there's Japan, along with... Canada? Is that his name? Yeah, that's it.

France. He must've found him. He must've called America. He's obviously a traitor, too.

Everyone's looking at England as if he's insane. Maybe he is. Maybe he always has been. Being alone most of your life sometimes does things to you, after all.

Suddenly, England lets out a bitter laugh. What does he care? Let them think what they want. If they think he's crazy, then so be it. It's not his problem.

"Angleterre, are you okay?"

England glares at him. No. No, he was not okay. Was it not obvious that he's falling apart?

There has been times in England's life where he wishes he wasn't a country, but instead a human being. Not because of the hard work that comes with being a country, but because, if he was a human, he could easily just kill himself. There have been times where he has wanted to die. He never told anyone about that, though. They didn't have any right to know.

He thought it'd be wonderful to just die. To not have to worry about life anymore. But then he'd be reminded of the good things in life. That was all in the past, though, when there were actually good things to think about. Now there's only bitter pain. Loneliness. Darkness.

He hates it. He hates all of it. He hates having to go to the world meetings, to have to face all of the other countries, to be insulted. Oh yes, the insults. Everyone's always commenting on his eyebrows, his hair, his cooking, his age, everything. He's sick of it. He's tried to get them to stop, but it never works. Nothing ever works...

Unable to control himself and his dark thoughts, he bursts into a crying fit, burying his face into his hands.

He doesn't want to cry. All he's doing is proving to them that he's weak. That's the last thing he wants to do. But no matter how much he wants to, he can't stop crying. He feels someone put their hand on his back. He was about to move away when he looks up and sees that it's Japan, not America or the frog.

"You shouldn't cry, England-san," he says in a soft voice.

England looks down, tears still rushing down his face. Even though he's not looking at them, he knows the others are probably looking at him with worried expressions.

Worry.

Pity.

No, he doesn't want their pity. He hates pity, too. He wants to be looked at with admiration for being strong. But here he is, crying his eyes out, acting like a child. Why can't life ever go as he wants it to go? Why is it always against him?

Soon, he's able to calm himself down enough to where he's not bawling anymore, although his eyes keep spilling tears every now and then.

"Have you calmed down enough?" Japan asks.

England nods his head, staying silent, keeping his head down to avoid eye contact with any of the others.

"Then perhaps you can start... explaining yourself," France says, stepping closer to the hospital bed that England's in.


	4. Chapter 4

England glared at France. He knew what he was talking about. He was talking about what America saw. America. England still didn't want to look him in the eye. He hates him for getting most likely all the nations involved in this. It was his secret, after all. It wasn't supposed to be found out. But of course, life being as it is, America had walked in on him.

"I don't have anything to explain."

He truly doesn't. It was none of their business to know anything. They didn't deserve to, especially since most of them are the cause of it. Always making him feel insecure about himself. They shouldn't get the privilege of knowing anything.

"Can I leave now? I'm perfectly fi—"

"No you're not!"

It was England's turn to look shocked. America's cut-in was certainly not expected. Even the other nations in the room were surprised at his sudden outburst. England growls a little. How dare that stupid American interrupt him, acting like he _knows _that England is fine. He doesn't know anything. He's always oblivious. England hates how America just outright said England wasn't okay. He makes it seem as though he knows exactly how people feel, when, in fact, he doesn't know shit.

If he did, he would've known how England had felt for so long: pain, sadness, loneliness. But he'll never know. He'll never understand, since he's always surrounded by love and happiness. Family and friends. People who actually care about him. While England… doesn't have anyone. Doesn't have someone to share his opinions or worries with. No one to help him when he needs someone.

All of this was useless: them trying to help him right now. No matter what they do, he's pretty sure that he'll never be fixed. It's probably too late to save him now. Lately, it's been hard to truly be happy. Instead, he'd just force a smile whenever someone would talk to him. He knows that most of the nations would be too stupid to tell how fake he's acting. Either that or they'd just not care to see if he's alright or not.

"Please… just let me leave…" England says quietly. He knows that if he tries to make a run for it, there's a big chance he'll be caught. The only way he'll be able to get out of here is by persuading them to let him out. Although if that doesn't work either, then…

"Angleterre, you have a problem. You need help," France says softly.

England clicks his tongue in annoyance. What do you they know about helping others? They were unable to help him before, so what makes them think they'll be able to _now_. They're all just crazy. They have to be to think he can be helped. There's no way he can be.

_No bloody way…_

"I don't need help! Just get the fuck out of here!"

Silence. That's all there is right now. They're all stunned again. What? Is it _this_ odd to see him breaking down before them? Wanting to be alone? No. That's not what he wants. He doesn't want to be alone anymore. Yet… he also doesn't want to be around them. Not these people. Not the ones who, in truth, don't care about that.

Yes! That must be it! They're only pretending to care about him to seem like good people. They actually don't give a shit about how he is. America just wants to feel like a "hero", doesn't he? It has to be it. They couldn't possibly care about him. They just couldn't.

"You guys don't care about me…" There. He finally let it out. He finally told them. He's going to call them out. He wants them to know that he knows how they feel about him. He's not oblivious, like America is. He _knows _when people hate him.

"Wha—? What the hell are you talking about, England?" America asks.

It's just like him to act like he doesn't know what England's talking about. Pretending to be innocent. It makes England sick. He's tired of their acting. He just wants to be left alone. If they want to pretend to be nice, they should just go to someone else.

"Get the bloody hell out of here!"

More silence. England hates the silence. It just makes him feel even more alone, despite being in a room with other people.

"We'll leave you to rest, then," Japan says. He gives a look to France, who instantly nods and leaves the room, along with Canada. Japan follows behind them. Before America had left, England looks up and makes eye contact with him. He can tell that America is hurt by the look in his eyes. Good. He deserves to go through just as much pain as England did. That bloody traitor.

Now England's all alone… again. Just like he always is.

_I've always been alone…_

XxXxX

The four of them were walk down the hallways of the hospital they're in. America was silent the entire time, which worried the others. Obviously, England's yelling had upset him.

None of them had ever seen England like that before. It was a totally new side of him. His eyes… whenever they were directed at one of them, they showed so much hate inside of them. It wasn't the same kind of hatred or annoyance he had whenever he was arguing with someone, though. It was different in a way they couldn't explain.

"What're we gonna do about zis?" France asks, breaking the silence. "We can't leave him alone once he's allowed out of here."

That was true. Not just because he's forcing himself to throw up, but because… there's something off about him. Something that worries all of them. England's obviously going through something, but, unfortunately, none of them can figure out what it is. He _seemed _fine during the meeting earlier. But what if that was just an act? What if something had been bothering him for a while now? Whatever it was, America was determined to help him through it, even if he doesn't want any help.

"_You guys don't care about me…"_

What was up with that comment he had made. That statement had really shocked America, along with the others. Is that what England truly thought? If so, why? There's no reason for him to think that way, right?

"Maybe… I could watch over him once he gets out. He could, like, stay with me at my house," America suggests.

"Stay with you? Are you sure he'd agree to that?" Canada asks.

America sighs. At this point, and after their conversation, he's pretty sure England would object to it. But it's obvious that someone needs to look after him for a while, and he doesn't see anyone else volunteering to do so. Besides, he does care about England, and he'll make sure to keep an eye on England while he's staying with him. He _will _try to help him.

"Whether he wants to or not, he's gonna stay with me, and that's final."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry if this chapter is crappy

XxXxX

It was later that day when America decided to visit England by himself. He wanted to be alone when he broke the news to England. Who knows how England will take it? Lately, it seems like you'll never know how he'll react.

America quietly opens the door a crack, and peaks in. England's awake and is staring out the giant window that's in the room. There's not much to look at, though, since the sky is cloudy and gloomy-looking.

America opens the door all the way, and steps inside the room, getting England's attention. England looks at him and immediately glares. Those eyes are still full of hatred. They actually scare America a little. He hasn't seen those kinds of eyes since the Revolutionary War.

He takes a large intake of breath before proceeding towards England's bed. He makes sure to not look England directly in the eyes as he does so.

"There have been some arrangements made," he says, his eyes averted from England's piercing gaze.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see England scowl even more.

"What kind of arrangements?" Every word that comes out of the Brit's mouth holds a dark, menacing tone that sends chills down America's back. Damn, he never knew England could be so scary. He's just as scary as the ghosts and monsters in those horror movies America loves to watch.

"Once you get out of here, you're going to be living with me for awhile."

America braces himself for the yelling that's sure to come next. But it never came. All England did was glare at him darkly. America would've rather had England yelling at him than this agonizing silence.

America nervously shifted around in the spot he was standing in. He was very uncomfortable under England's glare. He didn't know England had the ability to make him feel this way.

"What makes you think I'm gonna willingly—"

"I don't, but... you don't have much of a choice," America cuts in.

England sighs. His eyes grow soft and he looks away and back out the window.

_He didn't even argue..._

Now America was absolutely positive something was wrong. Usually, England would be super stubborn until the other person gave up. But this time... England was the one to give in first. What's the deal with that?

"We'll leave tomorrow..." That was all America said next before leaving the room. He just couldn't take being in there anymore. Even though England wasn't staring at him with cold eyes anymore, the air was still suffocating to him. The tension had been so thick. Too thick for him to handle.

_Why was that easier than it should've been...?_

XxXxX

Is this what failure feels like? The feeling of giving up and giving in to the darkness. Those people can try as much as they'd like to help him, but they'll never succeed. In the end, they'll just end up failing.

But he'll let them have their fun, pretending to be nice and all that. Pretending to care. He'll play along with it. He'll stand along the sidelines as they try to help him with their fake care and watch as they all fail.

But... there's this feeling inside if him that's telling him that all of this is real. That their concern is real. That they actually do care about him and what's going on. He wants to believe it, he really does, but after everything that's happened to him in the past with them, he just can't find it in him to do so.

_What if they do care, though...?_

What would England do? Would that even change anything? Fix anything? It probably won't. It's kind of like a vase. Once it's broken, it's hard to fix it, but it _is _possible. Although, that doesn't mean he can be fixed as easily.

_But what if... somehow... they do manage to save me?_

England smiles to himself, the first true smile he's made in a long time. Maybe this will be the start of a new beginning.

XxXxX

"Did you talk to him?" Canada asks when he sees America coming back from England's hospital room.

America nods but doesn't say anything. He walks past Canada without a word.

Will this actually work? Can he really fix what's happened to England? He knows it's going to be hard. He truly does. He can't even speak to England without the tension in the air making it hard for him to think properly. If only he can get past the new barrier England has obviously set up, maybe he'll have a chance.

He knows he's going to have to watch over England like a hawk while he's over at his house. He'll need to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't force himself to throw up anymore. He'll also have to figure out how to get England to open up to him, so he can find out what's wrong with him. That's the main thing America wants to do.

Yes, that's his biggest goal. Once he can do that, he'll be able to help England. He'll be able to revert him back to his normal self. That's all America wants. This new England worries him. Makes him feel uncomfortable. He doesn't want to feel that way around England. He wants to be happy when he's with England, like he usually is.

_I love to be around him..._

Some people would hate to be around someone who constantly gets mad and has weird tastes in food, but America doesn't mind. It's England, after all. The person he used to look up to, and _still_ sometimes does. Of course, he doesn't show it anymore. Instead, he just playfully teases England by commenting on his eyebrows and cooking. Yet, even so, he still cares a lot about England. He wants England to know that he's there for him. Right now, England obviously thinks he doesn't. So, while England's at his house, he's going to make sure England _knows _how much he's cared about.


	6. Chapter 6

It was the next day, around noon, and England was dreading America coming back, because he knew he'll be going home with him. He really doesn't want to have to stay with America for however long it'll be. It's just gonna be sheer torture for England, having to be watched over by America. He can take care of himself. He doesn't need the American's help. He's fine on his own. He always has been...

Is there even an absolute reason for this to have to happen? Does he really need to be watched over? So what if he throws up. It's not like he's going to die from it. Anyway, it helps him. It makes him feel stronger. The people he's around, though, makes him feel otherwise.

_But isn't it better than being alone all the time...?_

No. It's not. It couldn't be. All it does is make him feel bad about himself. How is that good for his health? That's probably worse than making himself throw up. Being exposed to all those insults couldn't do anything good for him.

It was about 2 when America came by, ready to take him home. England quietly walks behind America as they exit the building. He can feel the tension in the air. Although, it didn't bother him. He can tell America was uncomfortable, though. He smirks a little at that, but the smile vanishes from his face right after.

"It's a good thing I live close by..." America says, trying to break the silence.

Ah, that's right. The meeting had been held near America's home in the US yesterday. So much has happened since yesterday...

England didn't say anything and just kept walking. He wasn't in the mood to talk, especially not to the American.

They decide to walk to America's house, which England didn't mind that much, since America's house was only a few blocks away from the hospital. In fact, England always loved to talk walks around back in his homeland. He loved sightseeing.

Once they got to America's house, England took a sharp breath in. This was it. This is where he'll be spending his time for who knows how long. Great. Just great. He's going to be watched over all the time during the time he's here, and he's definitely not going to enjoy that. He'll basically be treated like a child.

They enter the house. England was surprised when he saw that the house wasn't as dirty as he thought it'd be on the inside. It was actually pretty clean.

_Thank goodness._

XxXxX

It's been about a half hour since America had brought England to his house. Ever since they got there, England has been sitting on the couch in America's living room, reading a book.

It was then that America could see how thin England had gotten. His clothes looked too big on him, and he just looked so frail. It made America a little sad. There were bags under England's eyes, and his face looked paler than usual. Also, his hair was very unkempt.

America was grateful that England wasn't showing his new side here so far. He hadn't even glared at America once.

_Maybe this will work out, after all._

"Oi, England, did you eat anything for lunch at the hospital today?" he asks.

America notices that England looks hesitant to answer. He obviously didn't eat anything. Then again, what did America expect? That England would all of a sudden start eating normally again? It's not as easy as it seems, is it? If only it was, though...

"Well, then I'll get you something~" America says, acting at least a little happy.

"I don't want your stupid food," England replies coldly.

America sighs. He should've known he'd get a response like that. Not just because England hasn't been eating right lately, but because England hates American food in general. He's always complaining how gross the food in America is, how it's all artificial and fake, which actually isn't completely untrue.

"Would you like some tea, then?" Surprisingly, America did keep some tea around his house, despite not liking it. He has it in case someone that enjoys tea comes over. He knows that not everyone likes coffee like he does.

"I don't want your bloody tea, either!" England snaps, glaring at him.

_Well, shit..._

If tea, which the Englishman absolutely loves, doesn't work, then America doesn't know what will. England never turns down tea, even if it's American tea, so for him to reject it so harshly...

"England, you have to have something," America says, trying to stay calm. This guy was seriously worrying him. They may be nations, but they still need to eat and drink, just like normal humans do. It's unhealthy not to do so.

England mutters curses under his breath before sighing in defeat. "Fine... Do you have an apple or something?"

American nods happily. Finally. He's actually going to get England to eat something. At least he's making progress.

He goes to the kitchen and gets an apple from a fruit basket he has on the counter. Then he proceeds to cut it into slices and put it on a plate. He goes back into the living room and hands the plate to England, who hesitantly takes it.

_I hope this works..._

XxXxX

At first, all England did was stare at the plate of sliced apples. He didn't make one move to eat them. Not one move at all. It wasn't until he saw America staring at him weirdly that he decided to finally pick a slice up and start eating it.

It tasted horrible. Just awful. All food did now, actually, except for that one dish at the last meeting. All the other food he had before then tasted bland and wouldn't settle well inside of him. He just could handle it.

After the fourth slice, he just couldn't eat anymore. It tasted too disgusting. He sets the plate down on the coffee table that's in front of them.

"I can't eat anymore..." he says quietly.

He hears America sigh. "Sorry, but I'm not leaving you alone until you finish it."

Dammit, why can't America just let him be? He said he was doing this because he cares, but it seems like he's only doing it to be mean.

England scowls at him before eating the rest. He hated every second of it. It was just too gross.

"Good job, England!" America exclaims cheerfully. Suddenly, the doorbell goes off. Someone's at the front door.

"Oh, I'll be right back. You just wait here," America says before getting off the couch and leaving the living room.

England could feel himself getting sick already.

_Oh, bloody hell..._

He hurries off the couch and heads into the nearest bathroom, where he throws everything back up into the toilet.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Again, thank you everyone~!

XxXxX

When America answers the door, he was surprised to see that it was France. Francs rarely comes to see America, unless it has to do with something important. That must mean he's here because of England.

"Ah, France, what's up?"

France gave him a smile. "Hello, mon cherie. I was just wanting to know if Angleterre's feeling okay."

America smiles at how France had come all the way here just to see England. This was definitely proving that people did care about England and his well-being.

America starts telling France of how, earlier today, England didn't seem too mad about having to love with him, and wasn't acting scary or anything like that. Then he tells France about how, a few minutes ago, he had England eat sliced apples, and how England ate all of it. France was actually surprised at that, but happy nonetheless.

After they finish their little chat, France says his farewells. America likes how France is being all caring and nice right now, instead of being a pervert like he usually is. Apparently, it's true that he can be serious when he wants to be.

America shuts the door and heads back into the living room, where he finds England sitting stiffly on the couch.

"Oi, dude, are you okay?" America asks, worried.

England jumps a little when he sees that America had returned, but then nods at the American. America then starts telling him where he'll be sleeping, where the different rooms are, and that if he needs anything, just come to him. England looks as though he's paying attention, but he also seems to be a little... off.

"C-Can I take a nap now, please?"

America's taken back but nods anyway. England gets up off the couch and follows America to the guest room.

"This is where you'll be sleeping..." America says, gesturing to the room.

The room's walls were a nice shade of light blue. There was a bed in one corner of the room, and a dresser with a mirror on it in the other. Next to the bed, there was a bedside table with a lamp on it, and along the walls were random paintings. Also, the carpeted floor was completely clear of trash or unneeded items.

England looked around the room. He was obviously happy that it was really clean in the room, since it means he won't feel the need to have to clean it up himself.

America leaves England by himself in the room, so he can have some peace. He knows England likes to be alone sometimes, not having anyone annoying him.

He's always calling America annoying and obnoxious. Although, it's just that America loves being energetic and loud. But he does know that right now isn't the time to be like that. He knows that he should be respectful, since England's going through something right now.

He leaves the room.

XxXxX

It didn't happen often. Actually, this is probably the first time it has happened. England was feeling... guilty for lying to America. It wasn't a direct lie, of course, as in he had said it to America's face. But he had kept a secret that most likely shouldn't have been kept.

He had thrown up, and America doesn't even know it. He had been lying on the bed for a while, thinking about it. Thinking about the consequences.

If America were to find out, who knows how he would react? He'd definitely be sad, that's for sure. Despite how much he was pissed off at America, he still didn't want to cause him any sadness. He didn't want America to be upset because of him.

_But isn't he a traitor...?_

Yes. He was. He told everyone about England's "problem". How was he supposed to forgive that? America should've known better than to do something as inconsiderate as that.

But, even so, he just can't find it in him anymore to want to make him cry, like he did a couple days ago.

England will just have to keep it a secret? That'll be easy. Very easy, in fact. All he has to do is stay quiet about it. America will never know. He got rid of the evidence, anyway. He flushed—

Oh, shit. He forgot to flush the toilet. He had been in such a hurry to get back to the living room before America came back that he completely forgot to flush it. Oh no, this was _not _good. He needs to go flush it. Now.

He runs out of the room.

XxXxX

After he left England alone, America decided to play some video games in the living room. He absolutely _loved _video games. It's a shame England didn't, though. He's sure that it'd be fun playing either with or against England in a game. But, unfortunately, England despises video games, saying they're just a waste of time. Oh well.

After a while of playing his games, he decides to start getting some things ready. Since it was kind of a sudden decision to have England stay at America's house, America didn't exactly have all that England would need. England would definitely need some of his own clothes, a toothbrush, and other items. Maybe he could go down to the hotel England had been staying at and have England come with him to get his stuff. But, for now, he'll have to let England borrow his things. He has some clothes that might fit England, which is good. As for a toothbrush, he's pretty sure he has an extra one England could use.

He heads into the bathroom and looks around.

_Here's one._

He finds an unopened toothbrush in the back of the cabinets that's in the bathroom. He smiles as he holds the case in his hands. That's when he realizes it smells a little weird in the bathroom.

_Where's that smell coming from?_

America sniffs the air and figures out that the smell is coming from the toilet.

_What the hell?_

He lifts up the lid.


	8. Chapter 8

England had been too late. Just a few seconds too late. If only he had remembered his mistake earlier. Unfortunately, that hadn't been the case. He had gotten to the bathroom just as America had lifted the toilet seat up.

There it was. Just sitting in the toilet. There wasn't a lot in there, so it wasn't very gross-looking. But it was still there. It was there, showing itself to America. Of course something like this would happen to England. Of course bad luck would keep falling upon him. It's always been like that.

A pang of guilt struck England when he saw the look on America's face. No, no, no, he didn't want to see that expression. That's what he tried to prevent. But, of course, nothing ever goes as planned when it comes to him.

England stood there, outside the bathroom doorway, frozen, unable to say a thing. Unable to explain himself and his actions. All he can do is stand there, and brace himself for whatever will happen next. Maybe America's going to throw him out. Maybe he won't want to have England staying with him after finding out England threw up in his house. These kinds of thoughts actually worried England.

"A-America..."

That was all England could utter. He didn't have the strength to say anything else. He felt weak, like he could faint any moment now.

"England... why? Just why?"

Why what? Why was he throwing up? Why was he depressed? Those were questions that England didn't want to answer. Those were questions that England wanted to avoid.

England barges through the doorway to the bathroom. He flushes the toilet and slams the lid down. He didn't want America to see it.

Just as he's about to leave, a hand grabs onto his shirt and pulls him close. He's spun around and comes face to face with America, America gripping his shoulders to keep him there.

Surprisingly, there's no anger in America's eyes. England had been expecting America to be pissed off at him for throwing up again. Instead, America's eyes are filled with sadness.

"I know that... these kinds of things take a while to fix. I know that, trust me. But... I want to understand... _why _you're doing this..."

They stand there like that for a few moments, neither of them saying anything. All you could hear in the bathroom was their breathing. England was forced to look into America's eyes, even though he desperately wanted to look away.

This could be England's chance. He could tell America everything. Get everything off his chest.

But England didn't say anything. Not one word. He still couldn't find it in him to do so. After a couple minutes of silence, America sighs and lets go of England's shoulders.

"You should just go take your nap," America says. He walks past England out of the bathroom. England stands there by himself for a few moments before he finds the strength to walk back to the guest bedroom.

Once he got back to the room and shut the door, he fell to the ground and broke down crying. He didn't want this. He didn't want America to be disappointed in him. He knew he should've just argued more about staying with America. If only he had been stronger enough to fight back at the time...

That's right. He still needs to get stronger. Sitting here crying will do nothing for him. It won't help him.

England stands back up, wiping his tears. He heads over to the bed and lies down, not even bothering to get inside the covers or sheets. He started thinking about the good times in his life, like when he had an empire. When he was actually categorized as strong. He missed those times.

XxXxX

America wasn't mad at England. How could he be? Although, even though he wasn't angry, he WAS upset. Not just at England, but at himself, too. He was supposed to be keeping an eye on England, yet he had left England out of his sight for only a few minutes, and England had thrown up again. So from now on, he'll try his best to be better at keeping a watch on England.

One of the biggest questions that's been wracking his brain was "Why?". Why was England doing this? America has been wondering this ever since he first found out about England's problem, and he still has no answers. He's trying, though. He's truly trying to figure all of this out. He wants to help England as much as he can. It's just that England won't tell him what's wrong. He wind tell America why he's acting the way he is. How's America supposed to help him if he doesn't know what's going through his head?

Everything had seemed fine about a month before the last meeting. England had been arguing with him and France, as usual. There didn't seem to be anything off about him at the time. Then again... after that meeting, no one had seen or heard from him until the meeting they had a couple days ago.

_I wonder what had happened..._

America knew it'd probably be a while before England will feel comfortable enough to open up to him. England had a hard time opening up to people. England was a distant kind of guy, after all. America always wondered why England liked to be alone a lot. Isn't it lonely?

_What if he actually doesn't like to be alone, though?_

That thought has occurred to America before, but he didn't think about it that much before. Although, right now, he just keeps wondering to himself how England is when no one around. What he thinks about. What he worries about. He wants to know everything.

Maybe living in the same house with England again could help the both of them. He could help England with his problem, all the while learning even more about the feelings England has now.

_I want to help him…_


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I love all of you so much~ Thank you, everyone

XxXxX

America didn't know what to do when it came to dinner. It was around 6pm right now, and America still hasn't started making any food. He can't come up with anything for him and England to eat. He knows he'll have to make something small for England, or else England would most likely throw up again. But the problem is that he doesn't know of any particular foods that England would like to have a little of, except for scones, of course. Although, he doesn't have any scones, so that kind of food is out of the question.

America decides to go ahead and have his own dinner first, and then feed England later. He's really hungry right now, and he doesn't want to wait any longer.

After eating his meal, which just consisted of a hamburger and an apple, he heads over to where the guest room. He lightly knocks on the door. After not getting any response from England, he proceeds to slowly open the door.

He sees England curled up on the comforter of the bed. He wasn't going to lie: England looked really cute while sleeping. America walls closer to the bed and softly strokes England's face, making sure he's careful not to wake England up.

When sleeping, England looked so peaceful, as if there was nothing wrong with his life. Maybe it was only in his dreams that he truly felt happy now. America hopes that's not the case, though. He wants England to be happy all the time.

Seeing England like this makes a smile appear on America's face. America leans down at kisses England on the cheek before quickly pulling away, blushing slightly.

_I can't believe I just did that._

America leaves the room, softly closing the door behind him.

XxXxX

England didn't wake up until about an hour and a half later. At first, when he woke up, he was confused as to where he was, but then remembered how he was staying with America.

He gets off of the bed and goes over to the door. He exits the room and walks down the hallway.

He goes into the living room, where he finds America playing video games. England doesn't understand why America loves video games so much. To him, they're just a waste of time.

It takes a few minutes for America to notice that England's there in the room with him. England gives a small nod when America looks at him in surprise.

"Oh, hey, dude! Um... would you like anything to eat for dinner?"

One side of England wanted to say no, but another part wanted to say yes. He knows he'll probably just end up throwing everything back up again, but he might as well not make the American worry even more.

He's finally admitted to himself that the American _does _care about him, and isn't just faking it like he thought he was at first. The things the American does and the expressions the American makes proves it.

_Maybe he isn't a traitor, after all._

England, much to the obvious surprise of America, nods his head again. Yes, he'd like some food. He might as well eat again, even though it'll most likely taste bad, since, recently, it seems like all food does.

The thing he's worried about is that he'll puke again. Of course, he doesn't think it's wrong to do that, but he doesn't want to see America looking so sad anymore. He wishes he could understand why forcing yourself to vomit was such a bad thing. But, if it means not having to see America upset again, then he'll try not to puke.

_I guess it's fine if I show my weak sides to him._

Even though not throwing up will make him feel weak again, he'll try his best to please the American.

He sees America crack a small smile at his response.

"What would you like?"

Yes, this is how it should be. America's usually a happy-go-lucky person, and of should stay like that. It shouldn't be the opposite. It just didn't look right when America was frowning. It doesn't fit his character. He's not the only one who thinks that. Everyone else would agree with him.

England thinks for a moment. He knows he needs to have something small. Having something too big will definitely upset his stomach, and that's not what he wants to happen. Maybe he should stick to a small fruit for now.

"Can I have... a banana?"

America smiles even more and pauses his game so he can get up and get England the fruit. England can't help but like America's smile.

_Wait, why am I thinking something like that?_

America came back, holding a banana in his hands. He gives it to England, who accepts it and immediately starts opening it.

England begins eating small bites of it. Surprisingly, it didn't taste that bad. It was actually pretty fulfilling. Soon, he has eaten the whole thing. America was still standing there, and had a shocked expression on his face. Obviously, he wasn't expecting England to eat it all, although he's glad England did, since it means that slight improvement is being made, which is what he wanted in the first place.

"Hey, do you feel sick at all?" America asks.

England nods a little. "Yeah, just a bit."

America has England sit down on the couch and holds one of his hands in a comforting manner. At first, England wondered whether or not he should let America hold his hand, but he decided to let the American do it, anyway. There's no harm in it, after all. Also, England actually liked the feeling. It made him feel... cared about.

America stayed by England's side the whole time, rubbing soothing circles on England back with his other hand, trying to keep him calmed down, so he wouldn't puke.

It worked. England didn't vomit at all that night.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Last chapter~

Weak. That's what England had thought of himself as.

When England had finally revealed his feelings about a week later, guilt had stabbed at America's heart. He had never known how much his and the other nations' insults had hurt England. He would've stopped a long time ago if he had known what his jokes were doing to England. He never realized how much of an impact it had made until now.

He wasn't the only one to blame, though. The other countries made fun of England, too. America knew he should've stick up for England all those times instead of joking around with the others, but his foolishness had gotten the best of him. What kind of hero was he? There was no way he could be classified as a true hero now, was there? Not after what he put England through, anyway.

He had always thought the jokes were harmless. Just minor teasing, that's all. He would've never imagined they would cause England to snap.

Despite knowing that he wasn't the only one responsible, he still feels like he's mostly to blame for everything. He truly should've just stuck up for England. He should've acted like a real hero. Like a real friend.

He had ended up breaking down and crying in front of England once England was done telling him everything. He had tightly hugged England, while telling him sorry over and over again. Knowing he's a part of the cause of England's depression truly made him feel like a horrible person. A person that didn't deserve to even be friends with England. England was definitely too good for him.

England had started crying, too. It was the most emotion England had shown all week, excluding the small smiles he had sometimes given the American.

They stayed like that for awhile, just hugging each other close, enjoying each other's warmth. America was surprised that he had ended up crying. This must've affected him a lot. The same goes for England. Having to admit all of that must've been hard for him to do. Having to relive those feelings as he talked about them. No wonder he started crying again.

Ever since England had told America everything, America vowed to himself that he'll stand up for England from now on and protect him from danger. He's the hero, right?

England was surprised to find out that barely any of the nations had known about his problem. He used to think that America had told _everyone_, but it was actually only the people he had woken up in the hospital to see.

England couldn't explain how happy and relieved he was to find out about that. He feels kind of bad that he had assumed that America would tell all of the others, and not pay attention to his feelings, when it was actually the opposite. He should've known that America would've made a smart decision. America has a big heart, after all.

XxXxX

Over the next couple of weeks, France, Canada, and Japan visited to check up on England's progress, and were happy to see that England's eating normally again. They knew that soon England will go back to the way he used to be.

America had told France only about what England had told him. The reason America only told France was because France had known England longer. France obviously felt guilty afterwards. Although, he said that he can't help but tease England, and will continue to do so, but not in a mean way, since he knows that England wouldn't want things to change too much. England hates drastic changes, especially if it's out of pity or guilt.

Since the eating problem is now out of the way, all that's left it to help England with his depression. Fortunately, England's opening up more than he has in a long time, especially around America. He smiles more and shares his opinions a lot, which America actually enjoys hearing.

It actually makes him think of the past, when England would share his knowledge about the world while America was young. America would never admit it, but he loved those times. He loved it when England would let him into his heart and mind. Maybe that's why he enjoys it now, too.

On the day that England was going to be leaving, America comes into his room while he's making the bed. He's actually really sad that England's leaving now. He enjoyed England's company a lot.

They had gone through a lot, both good and bad things. But, in the end, they were able to get closer, and for that America was thankful.

They'll be having a G8 Meeting a couple days from now, so he's happy about that, since it means he'll see England again after all of this.

When England notices America there, he smiles at him. "Hey. I was actually about to go talk to you. I wanted to… thank you… for staying by my side all this time…" England blushes a little.

America smiles back.

_He looks so cute._

"I was happy to take care of you. Probably more than I should have…"

England looks at him, a little confused at the last sentence.

"England, I…" This was it. This was where he'll confess. He's tired of waiting. He wants England to know how he truly feels towards him. "I love you…"

America closes his eyes, waiting for the worst to happen. Waiting for England to yell at him. Or worse, for England to not say anything at all and just leave. That would definitely break America's heart.

What he wasn't expecting was for a pair of lips to connect with his.

A/N: Am I the only one a little sad that this story's over? Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone who read this, everyone who had motivated me. Sorry if this chapter seems rushed or anything like that. It was kind of hard to finish this chapter, since I kept running out of things to write to end it.

Again, thank you, everyone~!


End file.
